The clock has struck twelve and I am officially one year older.
I have been thinking of the ways my birthday will be different this year.
I am a planner, with each birthday neatly wrapped in a bow, filled with things so I wouldn't be thinking.
Thinking of how I miss my mom, thinking of how I wish we were celebrating her birthday a few weeks after mine and the special things we do together.
So I plan a getaway, or I fill my days with things I love, things I will never do this year, going to a movie, eating at my favorite restaurant, seeing dear friends from afar, visiting the ocean.
Every year, especially my youngest son, always conspires with the rest of the family to do something that makes me smile, decorating a small holiday tree with my favorite ornaments or planting flowers in the front garden or taking me for facials at the spa. It may be quieter this year.
Yet, this year as every year, I am truly blessed.
I am grateful to be here with my family, in my house, when others may not have either.
I am grateful I have been able to still find meaning in my days, whether it is with work or writing.
I am grateful for old friends and new ones in the making and their conversations that sustain me.
I am grateful for my dogs that bring such love and joy to our family
I am grateful for a daughter that calls me mother, and her daughters that will know me as nonna.
It is not lost on me either, that I am now the year my mother was when she left this world for whatever lies next and she never knew a day in this year without fear.
So I will be grateful for each day that I am granted with breath and life and love. For her, I will take each day, as best as I can, and hold it and treasure it with gratitude.
